posted by dpm on 02/25/2014
Oh my gawd…climbing news is so boring. Every day, it’s the same old article on DPM… “Skinny Teenager Climbs Insignificant Chunk of Stone and Attaches an Arbitrary Number to It! On Facebook, Skinny Teenager wrote, ‘Harder than the last chunk of stone I climbed ‘cause the spots where I put my hands were small and far apart. Now to do it from sitting down!’” Yawn…
It’s fun to keep up with climbing news but after skimming the headline, most web surfers are back to seeking out videos of shark encounters, wing-suiters, and girls in bikinis “failing.” The juicy tidbits come from the fringes of the web and, though they may not be exactly related to rock climbing, it’s close enough for us. We are in the entertainment biz after all.
Here’s a video of some crazy Russian ninjas that snuck into the currently under construction Shanghai Tower in China. The tower is 2072 feet high which probably doesn’t take into account the final summit pitch up a giant crane. The masked bandits creep up the crane with no safety equipment and the exposure is sickening. When the video is over, it brings up a bunch of thumbnail images of girls in bikinis “failing.” Do what you will with that opportunity.
There’s something extremely gratifying about pushing a huge boulder down a mountain and watching gravity steer it through an awesome path of destruction. Unfortunately, trundling is seriously frowned upon and sometimes illegal because it’s dangerous (people have been accidently killed by trundlers) and destructive. But every once in a while the opportunity arises for a legit trundle like this one at Smith Rock State Park. A massive boulder fell into the popular Misery Ridge Trail, blocking the path. Due to its precarious perch, the park deemed it too dangerous to leave in place and decided to car jack it on its way toward the Crooked River. Is there anything more satisfying than a colossal trundle that ends with a splash? I think not.
Remember: This trundle was done legally and safely by Park officials. DO NOT TRUNDLE! If you feel the urge to trundle something, just watch this video a few times and the feeling will pass.
Slack liners walk high lines over all sorts of cliffs and canyons but somehow this relatively short line over a 200-foot-deep black pit seems scarier. As a bonus, the daredevil rides a unicycle around the rim, hoping that if he falls, it’s to the left. As the narrator states, “It seems that this unassuming reservoir is actually a thrill-seekers playground in disguise.” Clever reservoir!
If you’ve made it this far without being lured down a rabbit hole into Fail-ville, you’re in for a real treat. This climbing blog has gone viral, making the rounds all over Facebook and in every climbing forum on the web. Spoiler alert! It’s not real. It’s artistically crafted satire. It simply can’t be real. The person behind this blog is quite possibly the greatest climbing troll of all time. He’s like the Bruce Wayne or Clark Kent of online climbing trolls, unassuming desk jockey by day and brilliant internet mastermind by night perhaps? I picture him laughing deviously as he hits the post button and sits back to watch the mayhem ensue in the comments field. It’s quite likely that this blog has raised the collective blood pressure of climbers around the world with his ridiculous “tech-tips,” overkill top-rope anchors, claims of bolting trad routes, and 10-foot free solos. Got an hour to kill? Visit this blog and don’t forget to read each and every priceless comment made by the mindless fish reeled in by this genius troll. Fish on masked satirist; we salute you!