In Search of Vermin

In the archives of climbing history, a legend exists.  His name draws blank stares from today's indoor polyurethane climber and causes the old guard, now governing the climbing world from McMansions in Boulder, to wince in discomfort.  As these "Chads" push their politically correct blanket over the climbing industry and attempt to homogenize our sport into a yuppie fitness craze, this legendary name stands as a stark reminder that before the days of yoga pants, climbing teams, and plyometric exercises, climbing was far from conventional.

In the footsteps of John Gill, this phenomenon pursued bouldering as an end in itself, rather than a training ground for roped climbing, crossing the world in pursuit of groundbreaking ascents of heroic highballs and instituting the now standard V-scale for bouldering. In the wake of his travels, he left behind broken hearts, bastard children, several climbing books, overflowing Porta-Potties, and the powdered remnants marking his path. His campfire tales made Hunter S. Thompson blush, earning him the nickname "The Verm," short for Vermin.

John "The Vermin" Sherman is both loved and hated in the climbing community. He can out-drink most women at your local biker bar, his vocabulary is as extensive as an Ivy League dropout, and he is uncompromising in his political sensibilities. The Verm is repellent, offensive, off-color, and proud of it, and after all these years, he is still full of piss and vinegar. His climbing stories of old often referenced cerebral subjects such as bathroom gloryholes and ice-enhanced fellatio, giving rise to editorial nightmares for magazines not wanting to piss off their corporate sponsors. Ultimately, the governing bodies within climbing felt the sport was better if it was devoid of vulgarity, sarcasm, or overly colorful personalities like the Verm, and John was effectively silenced to the greater public.

Exiled, the Verm disappeared for many years. Sherman sightings were reported globally, but none were ultimately substantiated. Rumors began surfacing that the Verm had passed, a victim of a poorly sliced golf ball on the 17^th hole at the TPC Golf Course outside of Scottsdale, AZ, but this also proved to be false.

Dead Point Magazine went in search of the truth. We traveled the internet highway in our quest for John Sherman, a man we felt could bring climbing out of its comatose state and vigorously pump some much needed color back into our climbing culture. Our travels took us to faraway cyber countries on distant cyber continents.

Our first lead came from the country of Texas at an IFBB weight-lifting competition where a John Sherman had entered into the Professional Division. At first we thought we had our man. He was sporting a banana hammock as we had expected him to be, however, careful examination of this John Sherman revealed a lack of a body pelt and his features were more angular than our beer-swilling hero. After careful scrutiny, we determine our quest for the real John Sherman should continue.

Our next lead took us all the way to a small continent known as Lancaster, Ohio. Locals informed us that a John Sherman had once lived there, however, it was soon determined that this was not our man after the discovery of this plaque which bore the words, "I claim in all my public works I have been honest, faithful, and true."

This couldn't be our John Sherman. The search continued.

We found this guy on a Forsyth Technical College website:

"The instructors really want you to succeed. They go above and beyond to help." John Sherman AAS, Respiratory Therapist

Although he shares some striking similarities to the Verm, we could not conclude beyond a reasonable doubt that this was the man who created the "V" scale and authored Stone Crusade.

A week later, while perusing the membership files of our local AARP chapter for any leads, we received a tip from a confidential informant, who sent us an email with the following attachment.

We had finally found our man. After several back room bribes, the LAPD agreed to let the Vermin go. After all, Sherman's case would just be another indecent exposure court proceeding clogging up our judicial system. As agreed in the terms of his release, John Sherman, aka The Verm, will be providing Dead Point Magazine with a monthly injection of uncensored and much-needed vulgarity. DPM enthusiastically welcomes the Verm to our team of bloggers. Click HERE to read his first installment.